i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
