she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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