she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
