you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
