Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
