I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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