best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
