Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Randomize
