Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just google imaged poop.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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