I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
