my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
