Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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