We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
