after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
