Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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