I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It's Friday. Sex?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
