Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
