the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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