ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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