Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I would fuck him just for his dog
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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