Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
