TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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