He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
