chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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