i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
