I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
