Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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