so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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