just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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