call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
