I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
