She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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