theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
