Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
