Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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