This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
