oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you traded sex for a burrito?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize