I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
