your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Already got asked if we're dating
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
