this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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