I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
