Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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