what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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