I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
