am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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