sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
