so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
