it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
