i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
