I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
