It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
