Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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