I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
and she was petting her beer can
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
